Let’s start with a little honesty: most of us love a good to-do list. It feels productive, it’s satisfying to check things off, and it gives us a sense of control—like if we just get through this list, everything will be fine. But here’s the thing: when was the last time you paused to wonder, Who am I beyond this endless cycle of doing?
I’ll admit it’s a scary question. For a long time, my to-do list wasn’t just a tool—it was a crutch. A shiny, color-coded crutch that kept me focused, busy, and distracted. It whispered, If you just finish this, you’ll feel worthy. Spoiler alert: I never did.
Productivity vs. Identity
For high-achieving women, it’s easy to confuse productivity with identity. When your worth feels tied to how much you accomplish in a day, you start to believe you are what you do. Finished that project at work? Good. Finally cleaned out your inbox? Even better. But what happens on the days when you’re too tired, overwhelmed, or just human? Does that mean you’re less worthy? Less you?
Of course not. But it’s a hard truth to accept when you’re used to measuring your value in tasks completed.
Imagining Life Without the List
Take a second and imagine waking up tomorrow with no to-do list. Not because you finished everything (ha, wouldn’t that be nice?) but because you’ve decided to let the list go. What would you do with your time? What would your life look like without the constant drumbeat of productivity?
At first, it might feel disorienting. Maybe even a little panicky. The busyness has probably been your comfort zone for a while. But after that initial discomfort, what might start to emerge? Joy? Curiosity? Space for the things you’ve been putting off, like resting or reconnecting with yourself?
Practical Steps to Loosen the Grip
I’m not here to tell you to toss your to-do list in the trash forever (though if you feel inspired, go for it!). But if the list is running your life, it’s worth asking how you can shift the balance. Here are a few small steps to try:
- Start with a “Being List”: Instead of listing what you need to do, jot down how you want to feel today. Energized? Peaceful? Connected? Use that as your guide.
- Question the “Why”: When you add something to your to-do list, pause and ask, Why does this matter? If the answer isn’t clear, maybe it doesn’t belong there.
- Set “Enough” Goals: Pick one or two priorities for the day and let that be enough. Everything else is a bonus.
- Schedule Time for Nothing: Literally block time on your calendar for rest or unstructured time. (And no, “scrolling through emails” doesn’t count.)
- Celebrate Being Over Doing: Notice what makes you you outside of accomplishments. Maybe it’s your humor, your kindness, or the way you always remember everyone’s birthday.
Redefining Success
Ultimately, stepping back from the to-do list isn’t about slacking off or giving up. It’s about redefining success on your terms. Success can look like spending an hour with your favorite book or taking a nap because your body asked for it. It can look like choosing to play with your dog instead of cleaning the kitchen. (Waffle always reminds me that joy is found in the simplest moments, not in a perfectly checked-off list.)
So here’s my challenge for you: For just one day, let your to-do list take the backseat. Instead of asking, What needs to get done? ask, Who do I want to be today? You might be surprised by the answer.
Your worth isn’t in the list—it’s in you. And you’re already enough.
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